Father of 2-month-old newborn refuses to cancel week-long 'bros trip' despite anxious wife's wishes: 'I really need him by my side'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 26, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

The drama doesn't stop when you give birth to a child… it starts. There's an old adage that women start to feel like mothers when they get pregnant, but men don't start to feel like fathers until the baby is born, and maybe even a little bit after. This can set up the first few months of parenthood off on a rocky start. One of you might be a little behind the other, and unsure how to help, or how to be a parent. This is hopefully solved by good communication and commitment to each other. But even the strongest couples are going to come up against some roadblocks. 

That's the situation one pair of new parents found themselves in when an upcoming trip sent them into a tiresome back-and-forth. But the story wraps up in a surprisingly wholesome way. Read on for the details and see how they worked through it.

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    Cheezburger Image 10395002880
    via Gabriel Tovar
  • 02
    AITA for Asking My Husband to Cancel His "Bro's Only" Trip to Help Me With Our Newborn After He Promised He Would?
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 03
    This situation has caused a lot of tension between my husband and me, and now I'm questioning whether I'm being unreasonable.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    I (30F) gave birth to our first child, Olivia, two months ago. Being a first-time mom has been both beautiful and overwhelming. My husband, Jake (32M), was incredibly supportive during the pregnancy and promised that after Olivia was born, he would be there for me every step of the way, especially during those challenging first few months.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 05
    Before Olivia was born, Jake and his friends had been planning a "bro's only" trip for this summer ―a week-long vacation to a cabin in the mountains for hiking, fishing, and bonding. When the trip was being discussed, I reminded Jake that Olivia would only be a few months old, and we would be deep in the newborn phase. He reassured me that if things got too tough, he would cancel the trip to help me out, and I trusted him.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 06
    Now that Olivia is here, things have been harder than I anticipated. Between the sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles, and just trying to adjust to motherhood, I've been feeling overwhelmed. Jake has been helpful, but I can tell he's excited about this trip, which is coming up next month.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 07
    Last week, I asked Jake if he could consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise. I told him that I'm struggling and that having him gone for a whole week would be really tough on me. He seemed surprised and a bit hurt that I was asking him to cancel. He said he's been looking forward to this trip for months, and that he needs a break, too. He also pointed out that his parents live nearby and could help if I needed support while he was away.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 08
    I understand that Jake needs a break and wants to spend time with his friends, but I can't help feeling like this is a time when I really need him by my side. I tried to explain that while I appreciate his parents' help, it's not the same as having him here. Jake said that I'm being unfair by asking him to cancel the trip after all the planning that went into it and that I need to trust him to make sure I'm supported even if he's not physically there.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 09
    Now, we're at a bit of a standoff. Some of my friends think I should let him go, saying that it's important for him to have some time away, especially after all the stress of becoming a new dad. But others agree that it's too soon for him to take off for a week, and that he should prioritize being home with me and Olivia.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 10
    So AITA for asking my husband to cancel his "bro's only" trip to help me with our newborn after he promised he would?
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    edit: Hey, everyone. I just wanted to give a quick update after reading through most of the replies. I was honestly overwhelmed by the amount of support and understanding I received-thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. Your kind words and thoughtful advice really helped me feel less alone in this situation.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 12
    A lot of you suggested that I should also take a week off, letting Jake stay with Olivia, to get a break for myself. I really appreciate the sentiment behind that suggestion, but there are a couple of reasons why it's not realistic for me right now. First of all, I'm breastfeeding, so being away from Olivia for that long would be really difficult logistically. But beyond that, and
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 13
    this is something I know I need to work on, I just don't feel comfortable being away from my baby yet. I know it's not healthy to feel like I can't have her out of my sight, but I can't help it. I guess it's just that new mom anxiety that's really hard to shake.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 14
    I've been debating whether or not to show Jake this thread. I'm worried that reading it might hurt his feelings, but I'm definitely going to have another conversation with him about everything. I'm willing to compromise and let him go on the trip, but I think a whole week is just too much. I'm leaning towards suggesting that he limit the trip to a maximum of three nights, so he can still have some time away with his friends but not be gone for an entire week.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    I'll update again after we've talked. Thanks again for all the support, everyone. It really means a lot to me. Also, I'm new to Reddit, not sure if I should be posting updates or just editing this post.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    UPDATE Hey, everyone. I just wanted to share another update after having a very long and emotional talk with Jake. I won't get into every detail of our conversation, but I'll touch on the most important points.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 17
    After putting Olivia to bed, I went straight to bed myself, feeling utterly exhausted. Jake was already asleep, but for some reason, the weight of everything just hit me all at once, and I started crying uncontrollably. My sobbing woke Jake up, and he immediately asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was just tired, but then I opened up about
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 18
    how anxious I'd been feeling about his trip and being left alone with Olivia. I admitted something I've been reluctant to say out loud-that Jake hasn't been as involved as I thought he would be. This was one of my biggest fears when we found out we were having a baby.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    For context, Jake has a rocky relationship with his own dad. I won't go into detail about why his dad isn't the best but his mom (my mother-in-law) remarried when Jake was in middle school, and his dad wasn't very present in his life. Jake has expressed to me before that
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    becoming a father was scary for him because he's afraid of being a bad one, just like his dad. When he first told me that, I thought it would make him into a great father, because it showed how much he cared about being a good dad long before we were even pregnant.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 21
    When I vented to him about all of this, at first, he tried to defend himself. He admitted that he's been freaking out about having a baby for so long and just didn't want to tell me. He said he didn't want to stress me out while I was pregnant because he knows how much I've always wanted to be a mother. Hearing him say that made me feel guilty, like I hadn't seen how much he's been struggling internally. I had tried to convince him that he was going to be a great dad when we had this conversatio
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 22
    I thought to myself, This can't go on much longer. I realized that if he was going to keep pulling away like this, I didn't know if I could handle it. So I asked him, "Is this what our life is going to look like from now on? Me with Olivia and you away? Because if it is, Jake, then I don't think I can continue on like this."
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 23
    Jake told me to calm down and assured me that he wasn't going anywhere. Then he got really emotional-he even started to tear up. He said he didn't want to turn into his dad, and that he hadn't realized that going on this trip could be a preliminary step toward becoming the absentee father he feared he might be. He apologized for not considering me and Olivia as much as he should have.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 24
    Long story short, Jake called his friends and told them he wouldn't be able to make the trip. He's even started planning a little family getaway for the three of us next year when Olivia is a bit older. It was a tough conversation, but I feel like we're on the same page now, and I'm hopeful that things will get better from here.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
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    Thanks again to everyone for your support and advice. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm grateful for this community helping me navigate it.
    via u/Foreign-Ostrich8937
  • 26
    fancyandfab You were uncomfortable for 9 months, you went through labor, you are now breastfeeding, what the does he need a break from?? He was a giant AH when he even planned this trip. He was a bigger AH when he lied about
    via u/fancyandfab
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    canceling, and he's the giant gaping insanely awful AH now that he thinks it's unreasonable for you not to want him to be gone for an entire week when you're already overwhelmed. It doesn't seem like you'd want his parents to stay for that week while he's gone. This made me furious. I hope this is his only misstep, though I doubt it. ΝΤΑ
    via u/fancyandfab
  • 28
    bythebrook88. I assume Jake will be looking after Olivia for a week once you've stopped breastfeeding and can go away for a break? Let Jake know that if he uses his parents as free childcare it will result in a further week of rest being required. Jake seems oblivious to the struggles you are facing with your child, and selfishly prioritises his own needs over you and Olivia.
    via u/bythebrook88

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